I didn’t expect this

Holy moly! Let me tell you, when it came to giving birth, I was a lucky one.

Granted my labor was a little long (about two days worth of contractions) but my delivery only took about 10 minutes. If my pregnancy had been without aches and pains and my contractions hadn’t lasted so long and made me feel like death; based on my delivery experience alone…I’d definitely consider having another baby. But that’s another story for another day…maybe.

If I’m not complaining about my birth experience, what could I possibly be complaining about? I, dear friends, am complaining about BREASTFEEDING!

Yes. Breastfeeding. I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not but I have decided that it’s a pain. A real pain.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for breastfeeding but it is exhausting, it’s time consuming, and it seems to be never ending.

As we were preparing for the birth of Cali, I was super preachy to my boyfriend about breastfeeding. I’d be like, “The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends breastfeeding for six months. I’m going to do a year.” (Hell, at this point our baby will be lucky if she gets to exclusively breastfeed for six months. She’ll be lucky if she’s exclusively breastfeeding by the time I go back to work in a few weeks).

I did all the reading, took the classes, and asked all the questions but nothing could prepare me for the actual experience. Even at the hospital with the nurses and lactation consultants, I was failing miserably and for about 5 days, Cali’s nursing had to be supplemented with formula. This made me feel even more like a failure. It’s mentally and emotionally taxing feeling as if you can’t provide the basic needs for your child.

Things have gotten a little better since coming home. She’s learned to properly latch, so that’s a huge bonus considering my upper lady parts now hurt a lot less (you don’t realize how important that latch is until it’s bad and you never know how much you need lanolin) and I have a ravenous child and like every newborn we’re on her schedule, so I’m constantly tired. Pumping is another devil completely. You just sit there and milk yourself like a cow.

My main problem with breastfeeding and pumping is that you have to sit still and I HATE sitting still. I’m a busy body. I like to get things done and while I’m sitting in bed nursing or pumping, I’m thinking of all the things I could be doing. Yes, I realize that I gave birth last week and should be resting and I realize that nursing/pumping IS doing something but it’s not in my nature to have other people do things for me.

I know I’m not the only person to feel this way, am I?

Hopefully, I can make it six months but just like everything else when you’re new to motherhood, it’s a day by day process. Think about the future by remember you just have to do your best to make it ’till the next day.

That’s it for now.


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